Helpless. Smiling but so scared and afraid. Also lying to the person that I love so much.
It’s been 5 months since my 91 y.o. grandma has kept to her bed. Literally. And she is not gonna walk anymore. Ever. And she won’t be able to get up from the bed. Ever. Despite that I was always proud of my grandma having the brightest mind (just imagine, we used to talk about internet and mobile phones, computers and other stuff that even some young people find difficult to understand) and being able to understand lots of stuff and having the perfect memory and knowing things. And…
Since last Saturday she suddenly can’t put the words in one sentence, her thoughts are not consequent, most of the times I can’t even understand what she means. So I just nod and smile… and I have no idea what to do. I called her GP but the doctor just laughed at me that I was making stuff up. I am afraid it might have been a mini stroke or something even worse. I am afraid it might repeat itself. Just now I went to prepare her for the night and she didn’t recognize me. It’s terrifying.
Yesterday she asked me if she was going insane. And she looked scared. “No, gran, it’s only the pills you take, they make you sleepy. That’s all.” I left her and I cried.
She was the one who raised me up. She quit her job when the three year old me was pushed down the stairs in the kindergarten (as a part of bullying) and stayed at home with me while my parents were working. She taught me poems and read me books, sang me lullabies and took me to church. She is responsible for who and where I am today.
It’s so not fair. So not right.
My parents have been away for 9 days on holidays and they aren’t coming back for another 9 days. My brother is in the other city, busy with school, friends and extra curriculum activities, not coming back home. So I am alone. Still not knowing what to do. Nod and smile… and cry.
Notes
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duckstar85 said:
im so sorry… this is just devastating. Try to be strong. Thinking of you xx
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smarthopewell said:
I’m here for you if you need me :). I keep messaging you and stuff but you never reply me. But I understand i do miss you dearly. <3 xxx
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tiny-infinity posted this
